Navigating newlywed season with faith

I remember standing in my wedding dress, my arm linked in with my dad, and looking out at

all my loved ones, it felt like I was looking out over the ocean. Perhaps I was feeling a little

seasick, I remember feeling a strange cocktail of anticipation, awe, excitement, energy (and

probably hunger) in my stomach.

Our wedding was outdoors because it has always been our

dream to get married in a forest but also this was Covid-times so we didn’t really have much

of a choice. I remember looking through the bluegum trees and leaning on my father’s strong

arm for extra support. But when we walked down the aisle and I saw the look on my soon-to-

be husband’s face where he stood waiting for me, I knew that I would be safe. I’d found an

anchor for the storms.

Everybody tells you that your wedding day will go by in a flash and that suddenly you’ll be

married and it can be hard to navigate the stormy seas. Obviously, I know that I am not the

first person ever to get married, so surely there must be some ancient wisdom I can draw on

to navigate this new voyage. I want to share a few treasures with you that I found that have

really been a great help in navigating marriage. I don’t consider myself an expert, just a

normal young wife walking by faith and learning how to love better every day.

1. When we were doing our premarital discipleship our pastors said: “Your partner is not

here for your happiness, they are here for your holiness”. Nothing will bring out your

growth areas more than your spouse will. The goal is to become more Christlike.

2. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

It’s been helpful to discover the different ways of dealing with conflict and learning

that about each other too, so that we know when we need space or when to press in.

3. Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has

joined together, let no one separate.” Something that’s been really helpful is saying:

“Hey, I feel like you are against me now, remember we are on the same team.”

4. I think what made the biggest difference for me in my mentality to go from a single

person to part of a duo was getting a shared bank account - I know this is very

practical, but it’s also spiritual because Jesus taught the most about money!

5. The whole of Ephesians 5 is good marriage advice but people often only focus on

wives submitting to husbands. It goes on to say that husbands must love their wives

like Christ loves the church. It is easy to submit to selfless love.

6. Your home is like the pot that your marriage is planted in. Make sure it is an

environment that encourages healthy growth and not something that adds more

stress. It’s worth the time it takes because it opens up more time to be together.

7. Ephesians 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for

their labor; If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Marriage can offer

grace and a buffer so that you can lean on each other (this goes both ways).

8. You can’t always be alone and you also can’t always be with people. Finding balance

has been very important. You need to be in a church community and have friends

who can sow into your marriage and show you what you can’t see from inside.

We need to remember that we are all disciples of something - hopefully of Jesus, but we are

following so many other things too. From social media to the shows we watch, the books we

read, or the people we spend time with. All of these things are impacting our view and

expectations of marriage.

The world will try to convince us that: “Marriage no longer works, it

is an outdated system, and it is just not realistic”. We need to surround ourselves with older

couples with healthy marriages so that we might learn from them and ask them questions.

So whether you are about to tie the knot or if you’re in the middle of navigating a new

marriage, I hope that these thoughts encourage you.

You are not the first person who feels

like an unskilled captain navigating stormy seas, but luckily you can rely on the One who

walks on water to guide you, give you wisdom, and show the way. You are never alone

because the Holy Spirit, our comforter, is with you. He wants your marriage to turn into a

smooth enjoyable journey filled with wonder and adventure and the tangible presence of

Jesus.

(This article was originally written for Woman of Faith Magazine)