So your teenager does not want to go to church with you...

There comes a point in every household when a child who was once the first one out

of the car at church turns into the teenager who pleads to snooze every Sunday

morning. The kid with the kind eyes who sang Sunday school songs is peering out

at you with a bored facial expression from under a black hoodie, cringing because

they saw you’re reading this article. And you are probably wondering: Where have I

gone wrong?

The church experience of a young believer in their teenage years is often

fundamental in determining whether they will continue to attend church as they grow

up and start their own families.

We love saying that the church is a family. But a family has many different

generations around the same dinner table. Often, this is not the image we see at

church. Most of the time it either looks one of two ways:

1. Families are split up into specific ministries that cater to their age group and

their unique needs. We have toddlers, kids, youth, students, young adults,

young families, families, and the elderly.

2. Everybody is thrown into the same room and expected to act the same way.

There is no grace for a baby crying and the sound is not loud enough for the

elderly to hear.

It is a lot easier as a parent to blame the church for being unwelcoming to teenagers

than it is to grow to become a parent who creates a welcoming space for your own

teenager. Either way, they want to know that they are welcome, seen, and

celebrated.

Using the techniques below will provide space for them to bring their

questions, concerns, or opinions to you. You can ask leading questions but try to

give them the space to explore faith topics for themselves. Be careful to listen more

than you teach (James 1:19).

Let’s discover some ways that you can become a parent who ensures that there is a

seat at the table for your teenager at church:

- Have them bring a journal and a pen: they can doodle if they want to, but they

must also write down 1 question that they have about the sermon that you will

discover together around the dinner table that night.

- Let them participate as much as possible: let them put the tithe in the basket,

let them go grab the communion goods, and let them help with cleanup after

the service is done (this last 1 will only work if you help too).

- Give them freedom: explain to them that different people worship in different

ways and allow them to decide if they want to stand and sing with everybody

or sit down and read the Bible or journal.

- Allow them to choose what you as a family are doing after church, giving them

something to look forward to: what to make for lunch / what movie to watch /

where to get ice cream.

- Find someone they admire to have a mentoring kind of coffee with them. This

will probably not be the youth pastor, but maybe it’s a person who’s 5 years

older and in your church.

- If it is within your means, take them to a bookstore that has a selection of

Bibles and allow them to choose one for themselves. A great example is a

journal Bible that has wide margins for notes and illustrations.

- Most importantly, pray: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer

and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your

hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 6-7)