Walking on the water with Jesus

This past month was really difficult for me. As all the spheres of what I have spent time and energy on collided and clashed, a great storm arose which left me feeling like I was out on a boat amongst raging seas.

I was burnt out, and it began affecting important relationships in my life and important parts of who I know I am created to be. I had to make some decisions that were everything but easy. God was calling me out of the boat, onto the waters again. This got me thinking about Peter joining Jesus in walking on the water, at least until he starts doubting. Yet even when he was doubting, Jesus reached out his hand and rescued him. So, this was my reality this past month: a beautiful mess.

from the boat

The boat that you find yourself in will look different from the person next to you. Yet there are some similarities that are universal: the boat is comfortable, the boat is easy, and the boat seems like the only option. The sad truth is that while you are on the boat, even if it is amidst the seas, you are still clinging to some different kind of security. Yet, you always know there is something more out upon the waters. The parts that are acting against you, that are not serving you in any way, can be left behind in the boat: they are part of your old self. “And if it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.” More often than not letting go precedes great growth.

The truth is that the gold is already inside you; it just needs to be sought after and pulled out. If you’re honest with yourself, I believe this question will make your first step clear. I have been learning that God blessed each one of us with an immediate sphere of influence – and it’s our responsibility to start there. We are called to step out from the boat wherever we are.

the step

Sometimes the waves can be overwhelming and big and scary, but it is in these times (even more so than in the normal) that we must keep our eyes on the bigger picture. You were not meant to live a mediocre life, and settling for anything less than what you are called to do would be underselling yourself. The first step can be so sudden, like a growth spurt in a plant leaping for the sunlight. 

What I’ve been challenged with is completely allowing ALL of myself into the deal. I tend to compartmentalize and paint different spheres of my life in different colours. Yet it’s actually more difficult to stand with one foot on the water, and one on the boat than it would be to just choose either one. So I needed to step out. It is in the tremble of an ankle, the breathlessness, the weary eyes that a new kind of gold emerges. “Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase”. We do not lose heart. You can always try again.  

out on the water

In the Scripture about Peter walking on the water with Jesus, he would sink as soon as he takes his eyes off Jesus. We need to harness our passion into purpose, as a famous theologian said. Being out on the water will ask more of you than you’ve ever given before and you need to learn to use your resources wisely. It is so normal to experience feelings of lacking strength or missing purpose when the waters get rough, this is why it is so important to remember why you started. Two friends gave me the same word, two days apart: A flower is still a flower even when it is crushed. “Remember who you are”, it echoed on for weeks.

When looking at myself I tend to see all these different words that could begin to describe me: perhaps you’re a student, or a wife, or a creative. We need to stop compartmentalizing life so much and just connect all these spheres to make one beautiful collision, YOU! For me, this meant redefining those spheres and allowing them all to be painted in one colour, allowing them to mix. It is only when we allow all of these spheres to collide, that we truly inhabit our own selves. I needed to allow all of myself to get out of the boat and onto the water. “A lot of things broke my heart but fixed my vision”.

tunnel vision

This month, I’ve been challenged with having tunnel vision- when looking at God, but also when looking at myself. When we need to determine where we are called to go, it can only be done through fixing our vision on the One who’s calling us. 

And as I learn that He is trustworthy to lead me out upon the waters, I can walk wherever He might call me. “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure”-Hebrews 6. We stand tall, on top of the mess of it all and declare that it is HIS- and then we see it become a kingdom-building furnace, and how only the gold remains. Instead of scrambling around to get it all done, we reach UP to where His patient hands are waiting… and we abide again.

(written October 2019 as part of a newsletter)